Really Trifecta?

I started using the trifecta food service. I was really excited to have the gluten free banana nut bread. The first week I got two small muffins.

The second week I got this:

$16 bucks for two servings of sheet cake! The question is this does the above product look anything like their picture?

I really like what they do and hell all I have to do is not get that product but really man? What the hell could be going into the bread that makes it cost that much?

Will

I really can’t say how many times my mountain biker friends have suggested that my lack of performance on the bike is due to a lack of will. I find this interesting because I definitely push myself, but it’s made me reflect more and more on the subject…

While will can get you skill it’s not the same thing. People with a lot of skill forget what it’s like to not have any skill. I’ve been riding mountain bikes for just over 4 years. I’ve gone from being barely able to navigate small rocks to riding down some pretty gnarly shit. There have been a lot of thoughts and emotions in between but a lack of will is definitely not a limiting factor.

So whenever my friends have suggested that it’s a lack of determination I’ve often barked back “Yeah whatever”. Anger aside I couldn’t help but think “I’m seriously giving everything I have here and I’m still failing. Why?!?”

It’s just not time.

Let me say that again…

It’s just not time.

In the program we have a saying TIME = Things I Must Earn

So it’s not just about will. Will is important but if it was just about will I would have had everything long ago. If anything it’s about the removal of will and movement into acceptance. Will is just a refusal to accept reality. Don’t get me wrong it has it’s place in each of our lives but it’s generally useless outside of life or death situations. Pushing yourself isn’t always the answer sometimes pushing yourself means doing nothing.

I’ve learned a lot over the past few years with respect to the body, mind and spirit. It’s not just about will and determination. There is some other thing that I don’t have a word for but it’s there…

Brodisdagata

Silence. Yes. A long silence.

I really don’t know when it stopped or when it started for that matter. Actually I do have an idea as to when I started talking but the stopping part just seemed to happen. I found yoga and to some extent that removed the need to write here. Now, I mean right in the moment listening to Sparklehorse I feel the need to write something. Ultimately there’s no real point nothing much to say but some real reason inside to say it.

I’ve completely lost the mark. Put the cart before the horse as they say. The funny thing is is that it’s not like you can just hope over to the path you gotta walk all the way back to the beginning and start again. The great thing about life is that it’s long enough to do this shit over and over again. I’m not complaining or bitching about the truth just saying it’s how I learn.

I like to make up words like Brodisdagata. Not sure what that means but it’s a good description of how I’m feeling.

Maybe I’ll write maybe I won’t…