Coaching Session #1

Taught class for Diane here is my description of the class followed by feedback from Diane:

Started the class off well. The students were rocking and the breathing was great. We started class with half-moon and I seemed to get a bit off pace there speeding up too quick. I noticed I was way fast by party time when it was only 5:24. I should have just slowed down but for some reason or another I kept the pace and went through the standing series too fast. Everyone was on the floor by 5:42 (way to quick). Realizing there was nothing I could do about it I just kept teaching the class. I thought maybe I can just stretch out the savassana, or talk about the benefits, but even doing that isn’t going to make up all that time. So I just gave in to it realized I fucked up and kept it moving.

I was in horror when we were going into camel at like 6:05 or so. Still I kept teaching…I’m pretty sure class ended exactly 10 minutes early. I wasn’t happy about that at all, but it’s just what happened.

Diane’s feedback:

Voice

– Watch the UP in my voice. I have a really good texture to my voice I don’t need to go outside that range. To high and it is sort of like nails on the chalkboard.

Dialogue

General

– Watch out for substituting the word “the” for “your” keep it personal ; there are some “the”s but mainly it is your.
– Don’t add words (like what they do just give them the command ; example was from eagle pose)

Backward Bending

– Look at the floor ; try to touch the wall ; (I’m saying try to see the floor behind you…)

Hands To Feet Pose

– 2nd set get them right in quick

Balancing Stick

– Clap then step ; it’s in the dialogue

Standing Separate Leg Forehead to Knee

– The 180 degree angle is a line running through the your feet which are perpendicular to the mirror; when you turn your hips you are turning them to be in line with the 180 degree angle.
When you come up you should be facing the middle which is the mirror. All of this is in the blue book which I have to read.

Cobra/Full Locust

– No change in the dialogue (re-read the endings for these postures)
Gently come down

Fixed Firm Pose

– Slow down…I wasn’t giving the students enough time to keep up but it seemed like they were 😉

Spine Twisting Pose

– Stick to the commands ; don’t say “now do x” or “now do y”

Breathing

– Adjust the level of your clapping for the room; my clapping was too loud

Argh…I wish I taught a better class, but I did do my best and that is all I can do. I realize the class has to be 90 minutes and I have to make sure from now on that I start the class on time and end on time. I keep saying this but I’ve never ended a class that early. Man I honestly didn’t think I was talking that fast but apparently I was and based on that fact I couldn’t have been holding the postures long enough.

I fell like this class wasn’t a good example of my teaching. I know I’ve done so much better not just about the timing but about actually teaching. I felt like my class at noon time was so much better I was more relaxed and not going so fast. I’m just going to rack it up to it being the first time I’ve taught anywhere other than bikram yoga boston and that I got caught up in my own excitement.

No one got hurt people did some yoga and that’s that. I didn’t go there for some affirmation about my perfection I went to get help to be BETTER! It’s not easy when you realize you’re not as good as you may have thought you were but it’s comforting to know your not as bad as you though you were either.

Thanksgiving Day Fall

Another year… The clock ticks and we’re back at the holidays again. Come one come all and hop on! Time – the carousel of life! Don’t get me wrong I like the holidays. It is fun to see everyone and see what the last year round has done to the lot of us. For me it is a time to strengthen connections between family and friends.

I would say the thing I like the most about the holidays is that every once in a while I get that little kid feeling. I really don’t know how to describe it but it was this feeling like “everything is going to be OK”. It was a really cool feeling and what’s even funnier is that I felt this feeling in lesser degrees all the way up into my 30’s. I think it was somewhere around 35 or so, maybe earlier, that I didn’t feel it for the first year.

Everything is going to be OK, but I think the switch that flipped is the fact that I don’t have to lie to myself anymore about life. There are going to be problems, difficult situation, life, death and the whole mess, but ultimately everything is going to be OK because hell there was never anything wrong with it to begin with.

Is this what it means to be getting older? I’m 38.

So far so good. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Sarah came to get me and we went over to her parents house to have dinner. It was really cool to be accepted and invited in. It’s still a shocker to me to be invited anywhere, but who am I kidding I know people like to have me around. Anyway I thought it was really cool that we all went for a walk in the woods and enjoyed each others company.

The food was great and after dinner Sarah make pumpkin pie. I made the whip cream and as stubborn as I am whipped it by hand.

It was getting late and I had to be up for work the next morning so Sarah and I cleaned up and were walking back downstairs to say good-bye. All I remember was taking a few steps and BOOM I was at the bottom of the steps. I lost my footing and slammed by back on the steps sooo hard! I felt stupid but mostly I was in a lot of pain. The first thing that I thought was “Did I swear???” I think I probably did if I know myself at all especially when I was falling. It was really funny actually I’ve never fallen down stairs before so I don’t have much experience with it but shit man those stairs ate me up and spit me out.

Everyone was asking if I was OK. I was in pain so it was time to exit stage left. I walked up the stairs and sat on the couch. I was thinking about practicing and teaching and that my body was no good anymore. All of these bad things were happening to me and I wanted to know why?

“Ice or heat”

I heard somewhere in the distance, but all I could think about was how can I practice tomorrow. How long would I be out this time?

We said our good-byes and were on our way. I was definitely stuck in my head on the drive home. I felt bad wanted to say something anything but was just so sad that I was hurt again. I’m so lucky to have someone like Sarah that is so supportive and was great with me.

I had trouble sleeping but I think it was just too much food more than my back.

So anyway…

I’m glad this happened because it has opened my eyes to the fact that I’m so fucking self-centered. Everything is about me and things are OK if and only if I can do this and do that. Today I was practicing in a room with a women that had no fucking legs! Yet I complain because my ankle isn’t as flexible as it use to be. Ahh it’s fine to get twisted up over stuff. I’m just grateful that every once in awhile I actually see the knots I’m creating in the rope of life…

On with the festivities! Let the good times roll!

Insecurity

I wish there were a more interesting title, but there isn’t. Insecurity that silly thing I can never seem to see or choose to admit is bothering me. Whenever I start to look to others for something I feel is lacking in myself it is almost always insecurity. It is the worst feeling ever to want take everything you can from the people you love only because you feel insecure yourself. And once the insecurity shows up in one area of my life it starts manifesting itself in every area. It is like a cancer and before I know it I can’t see anything correctly anymore.

Prior to recovery I would just use and for the most part never feel these feelings at all. Since I’ve been clean as I started to feel the feelings I would generally want to use but would not. Nevertheless I needed an outlet for the way that I was feeling so I would generally act out. Maybe creating a problem in my life and then I would obsess about that or being mean to myself or someone else. I would do something that would get my mind off of the insecurity and distract me. It’s obvious that the actual problem would never be addressed and I would go on my merry way once the feeling passed.

Feelings are windows of opportunity for growth…

Yesterday I felt completely insecure about everything in my life. I felt like I was the biggest piece of shit in the world. The results were in and I have failed. The score for Aaron was a whopping ZERO. Life is over you may as well quit not because you are ahead but because you are so behind it isn’t funny.

It started while I was teaching class yesterday and continued until I talked to my sponsor and he was able to give what I was feeling a name. So why am I feeling this? Well because I love someone and she loves me. Like all people I’ve been hurt by love and that creates insecurities. It isn’t rocket science shit these days rocket science isn’t even that impressive since people are building the fucking things in their back yards. Maybe I should say it isn’t brain surgery…

Add to that the fact that I stand on a podium and talk for 90 minutes for my job and you get a big box of vulnerability. I was so busy judging myself that I’m looking at everyone around me thinking “What do they think of me??” “Do you like me?” because I hate myself.

Yep…insecurity fucks the ego right up and then, at least for me, it seems like it can’t operate like it is suppose to or at all for that matter.

Today I’m feeling a bit better after getting some sleep and doing a bunch of writing. Gonna hit class, go to a meeting, and do some shopping today. Life doesn’t stop you gotta keep moving-no choice.

The Mall

Yoga Asana Championship 2011

Yet another year I intended to compete but it just wasn’t in the cards with my most recent surgery on my ankle. Oh well. Next year…

The day was really fun. Sarah and I got there around 11:45 and we walked around checked out the Lulu Lemon store and then found the area where the championships would be. I thought the stage was WAY too small. Anyone over 5’10” would have trouble doing any type of inversion for fear of falling off the stage. Not that it matters for me I wasn’t planning on doing any anyway :). For all of the competitors it just seemed cramped and all of the people were roped off far from the stage. Hopefully next year there will be more stage and less rope :).

It was so awesome to watch all of the competitors display their routines. It was also awesome to see people I hadn’t seen in awhile. What a great day for yoga and friends! 🙂

Illegal Smile

John Prine, Illegal Smile

When I woke up this morning, things were lookin’ bad
Seem like total silence was the only friend I had
Bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down… and won
And it was twelve o’clock before I realized
That I was havin’ .. no fun

Chorus:
But fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone
No I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun

Last time I checked my bankroll,
It was gettin’ thin
Sometimes it seems like the bottom
Is the only place I’ve been
I Chased a rainbow down a one-way street… dead end
And all my friends turned out to be insurance salesmen

Repeat Chorus:

Well, I sat down in my closet with all my overalls
Tryin’ to get away
From all the ears inside my walls
I dreamed the police heard
Everything I thought… what then?
Well I went to court
And the judge’s name was Hoffman

Ah but fortunately I have the key to escape reality
And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don’t cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won’t you please tell the man I didn’t kill anyone
No I’m just tryin’ to have me some fun
Well done, hot dog bun, my sister’s a nun