Another year… The clock ticks and we’re back at the holidays again. Come one come all and hop on! Time – the carousel of life! Don’t get me wrong I like the holidays. It is fun to see everyone and see what the last year round has done to the lot of us. For me it is a time to strengthen connections between family and friends.
I would say the thing I like the most about the holidays is that every once in a while I get that little kid feeling. I really don’t know how to describe it but it was this feeling like “everything is going to be OK”. It was a really cool feeling and what’s even funnier is that I felt this feeling in lesser degrees all the way up into my 30’s. I think it was somewhere around 35 or so, maybe earlier, that I didn’t feel it for the first year.
Everything is going to be OK, but I think the switch that flipped is the fact that I don’t have to lie to myself anymore about life. There are going to be problems, difficult situation, life, death and the whole mess, but ultimately everything is going to be OK because hell there was never anything wrong with it to begin with.
Is this what it means to be getting older? I’m 38.
So far so good. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun. Sarah came to get me and we went over to her parents house to have dinner. It was really cool to be accepted and invited in. It’s still a shocker to me to be invited anywhere, but who am I kidding I know people like to have me around. Anyway I thought it was really cool that we all went for a walk in the woods and enjoyed each others company.
The food was great and after dinner Sarah make pumpkin pie. I made the whip cream and as stubborn as I am whipped it by hand.
It was getting late and I had to be up for work the next morning so Sarah and I cleaned up and were walking back downstairs to say good-bye. All I remember was taking a few steps and BOOM I was at the bottom of the steps. I lost my footing and slammed by back on the steps sooo hard! I felt stupid but mostly I was in a lot of pain. The first thing that I thought was “Did I swear???” I think I probably did if I know myself at all especially when I was falling. It was really funny actually I’ve never fallen down stairs before so I don’t have much experience with it but shit man those stairs ate me up and spit me out.
Everyone was asking if I was OK. I was in pain so it was time to exit stage left. I walked up the stairs and sat on the couch. I was thinking about practicing and teaching and that my body was no good anymore. All of these bad things were happening to me and I wanted to know why?
“Ice or heat”
I heard somewhere in the distance, but all I could think about was how can I practice tomorrow. How long would I be out this time?
We said our good-byes and were on our way. I was definitely stuck in my head on the drive home. I felt bad wanted to say something anything but was just so sad that I was hurt again. I’m so lucky to have someone like Sarah that is so supportive and was great with me.
I had trouble sleeping but I think it was just too much food more than my back.
So anyway…
I’m glad this happened because it has opened my eyes to the fact that I’m so fucking self-centered. Everything is about me and things are OK if and only if I can do this and do that. Today I was practicing in a room with a women that had no fucking legs! Yet I complain because my ankle isn’t as flexible as it use to be. Ahh it’s fine to get twisted up over stuff. I’m just grateful that every once in awhile I actually see the knots I’m creating in the rope of life…
On with the festivities! Let the good times roll!