Gus Van Sant’s Last Days

Creepy, scary, lonely, sad, angry, and bitter. This movie brought up a lot of emotions for me. It started out with anger and resentment but then that transformed into sadness and fear. There isn’t much dialogue but so much is said throughout the film. What the fuck can you say about addiction? What can you say when someone is so cut off from the world around them? Nothing. You either wait until that person decides to not be cut off or wait for them to die.

Long shots. Really slow. Very relaxed. Gotta go…I really liked the scene with Blake in the tv room with the boyz 2 men song playing in the background and then a close up of the video. That scene made me feel really uncomfortable.

Last scene three driving in car on their way to LA. I re-felt the toxicity of getting clean. The dirty air waking up sick. Ugh. My stomach rolls.


Consistency is a bitch. I set out to write everyday and I am keeping my promise but it is a pain in the ass. The day was going so well I was getting things done and moving along but it was all stripped away with one phone call. Nothing bad happened but I pulled out the bat and started beating myself up. I surrender. It really is my only option otherwise I will just spend all day trying to fix all of the things I think are broken in my life. I just really wish I knew why I react the way that I do to certain things.

I shared about my issues with faith at the meeting tonight. I am glad I was honest about what I was thinking and how much it is scaring me. Sigh, I guess sometimes I am just going to feel like a piece of shit it is just the ebb and flow of life. It really isn’t a big fucking deal because you know what? The fucking day is OVER! See you on the otherside…


I am pretty happy with what I have done with the wordpress/gallery setup at my house. I also did something similar for work but I am using a different theme there. This theme is really impressive and believe me when I say I have tried most of the themes out there!

I spent some time tonight importing all of my old pictures from gallery1 to gallery2. I still have a bit to learn about the operation of gallery2 but all in due time. I must say gallery2 is really nice. From the installer to the interface it is a really nice product.

So enough of the B.S. what is really going on with Aaron? Well I am not sure all I know is I have been completely obsessed with setting up WordPress, completely defocused from my job, and not really wanting to go to meetings. I had planned to go to St. C’s tonight but at the last minute decided to go to the grocery store instead. Well I did need groceries! Sounds good.

I am not going to beat myself up. Something is going on and I know what I need to do to sort it out. Just keep on keepin on and don’t use. I am not alone and most definately not unique!

Waste of time

God what a waste of time…I really don’t know what is going on with me lately but I am obsessed with wasting time. I have been sitting here looking for a good theme for wordpress and nothing really works all that great. I need to sleep so I suppose I will settle for this default theme and maybe write my own at some point.

I have been really stagnant at work and that has been negatively affecting me. I suppose I do have the excuse of Tad’s birthday party and the preparation for that but damn I wish I could get out of this funk.

I am going to password protect this site but make it easy for anyone that knows me to get in. The question will be “What is Aaron’s Middle Name?”

That is all for now…

SuSE 10, WordPress, Dyndns, Monowall & CGIProxy

After a bit of digging I finally settled on using WordPress as my journaling tool.

Some background on how this all came to be: I started using a pen and paper to log tasks that I completed throughout the day. I may also write down things I wanted to remember on another day. That being said and obvious flaw in this type of system is the fact that it isn’t quickly searchable. Also it isn’t very pretty since my handwriting resembles that of a High School freshman. And from this list came these requirements:

  1. Searchable
  2. Presentable
  3. Ease of use

– Searchable

This is simply as it sounds in that the content must be searchable.

– Presentable

The system should employ the use of templates and or incorporate themes that will quickly and easily modify the look of the ‘look’ and ‘flow’ of the entire site.

– Ease of use

The system should be as easy to use as the paper and pen system. This is a madatory requirement. Anything more complicated than that would not be useful as I won’t use it.

I took some time and set it up at work and was really impressed by the ease of installation. I mean you really don’t have to do anything to make WordPress work right out of the box.