I guess it isn’t that bad man…Just going with the flow. I had one of those feeling shitty to the core of your being days. You know the day that just makes you want to puke yourself out and then start over again. Sometimes it just seems like I couldn’t hate myself anymore and get away with it. Like I am violating some universal law that clearly states one cannot hate themselves *that* much.
I would love to sit here and say that it was something about the day or some silly way that I acted that was the problem, but I know it was just my perception. I probably act and operate the same way on other days too but today it was painfully difficult to deal with myself.
Hahahahaha It is actually pretty funny since I just realized dealing with myself is just as hard as dealing with another person at times. The real funny thing is I can’t get away from myself so I have no choice but to deal. Well actually I have plenty of choices but I choose to not go down that road. Hmm maybe they are actually not choices just lame excuses…
There is nothing worse than a Friday night especially when you are feeling that there is nothing that will make you happy. The same old this and the same old that. Not looking forward to dinner or a movie or anything. Going with the flow because that is all you know. Or maybe just going with it because because…laundry…wash, dry and fold. I should sleep no maybe I’ll write…
Loneliness capped off with a dash of isolation. With all of the happiness in my life it is a wonder I can feel sad. I suppose theres room for everything in nothing.
Some days I wish I wasn’t alone but some days I am glad that I am. Theres a lot that is in store for me, but then again maybe not. Maybe I have gotten all I am going to get? What if that was it for me? No more. Would I be happy or would I go off bitching and complaining?
Much to tired to complain. Fuck it. I’m satisfied just want the pain to stop. I don’t want to feel this crap but I know its part of the game. It’s not that bad but it feels bad.
Just some growing pains…gotta grow up….ouch. Oddly enough I celebrated seven years clean last week and didn’t even write about it! It was great and this month starts a bunch of celebrations of my friends.
I am really looking forward to hanging out with my family this weekend. I just have to stay focused on what is important to me and family is very important. That is one of the many things I missed out on when I was using. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to be one with my family today.