I was thinking to myself today “What would I do if I chose not to worry?” I suppose it is a funny question. Seems like there is always something to worry about but worry because especially problematic when you want something in your life. It comes up around those times you really want things to work out so that you can succeed. If that isn’t a loaded sentence I really don’t know what is…
It wasn’t too long ago that I realized my worrying about something never changed the outcome. Although I really think that deep down inside I must believe that worry plays a part in the result. I mean worry is good to an extent it gets us charged up and ready so that we can gather up the energy to get whatever it is we are trying to do done. But then it gets to a point where it is neurotic and unhealthy.
The situation that has caused me worry lately is my knee. Before that it was my back, and I’m sure there was something before that too but I don’t remember at this point. I want to be able to go to teacher training in tact and feeling good so that I can bust my ass. Most of all I don’t want something to happen that will stop me from being able to go. If there is anything I’m worried about it is that.
About two months before I was set to go into the Asana competition my lung collapsed. So there is a part of my mind that says “something bad will happen before training…” I really try to stay out of that thinking but it still creeps up sometimes. I worry because I’m out on a limb here leaving my job and my apartment. To some extent I’m putting all my eggs in one basket even if it is only temporarily. Even more than that is all of the work that I have done thus far. I know it will never go to waste no matter what happens but it would be nice to get some sort of receipt which clearly states that everything is going to be OK.
Ahh…I’d still worry even if I had such a receipt.
It’s not all that bad, the type of worry I’m talking about but I know there is another way and I can choose to just accept where I’m at and where my body is at. I always try my best. I may not be the best but I always give 110%.
I suppose that is another worry of mine not being the best. I want to be but I must remember to be the best means to be the best one can be and not in relation to any one else. I get this concept but I sometimes compare myself to others and I never like it when I do it…