Argh…I am so lame sometimes. Whatever. Anyway I went on a long bike ride today and this time I didn’t fall off of the bike! Seriously though I think I have a screw loose and I am just doomed to being weird forever. Sigh.
Long story short I played the flirting game with someone in a grocery store. We exchanged names and I subsequently forgot hers (why the fuck does that happen?) BOOOOM Self-Centered FEAR! All I had to do was stay in it and keep talking but I just ran off…Actually now that I think about it I think I have seen her before…
Ahh I don’t know what I am talking about. I am such a sap. I have thought on occasion that I should become a priest-Father St. Pierre. Silly me…I am really not sure what the hell I am trying to say just typing away until it comes out…
OK I got it. I have no clue what I want in a relationship. I think I want one thing and then I want another thing. I suppose the biggest point I should be making is I have had so few relationships that I don’t even have enough experience to know what works and what doesn’t. Part of me feels better off alone but then there is that desire to be with someone not just to have sex with someone but to be with them. And then when I am with that person, or, as the tape has played out so far in my LIMITED experience I have not wanted to continue the relationship.
Who knows?
Part of me doesn’t even want to write this stuff because others will read it. The thing of it is I am not that important. What I am going through is just what I am going through it isn’t about anyone else: it starts and ends with me.
I am going to keep doing the work I need to do to grow and hopefully I will end up in a place where some of these issues will be behind me but I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay on the path.
OK well this post can be called the potpourri post…