I have been really conflicted lately. There are specific reasons for this but fundamentally it boils down to “it being my turn”. I am not happy about that but I am doing what I can do to get through it. I can say that I have been connected with my support network through all of this. I haven’t given up or gone into my shell. All I can say is that it isn’t easy. Life isn’t easy. There is so much to it and while sometimes it just flow effortlessly it is during these times, the struggles, that I undoubtedly get so much out of life. The downside is the pain that we all have to bear to get to the other side.
I woke up this morning and had the urge to hear the song “Honesty” by Billy Joel. Probably not the best idea first thing in the morning when I am feeling emotionally weak. Anyway we don’t need a choose your own adventure to figure out where that one went. I got through it, cleaned up, and came into work. I am here now and want to start working on a few projects that I haven’t had time to complete.
You know every so often I try to take back control of my life. This always ends miserably (well relatively speaking). It definitely always ends with me feeling pretty bad about myself and the word around me totally and utterly ungrateful for anything. The struggle is getting back out of self-will. It is like a big ship that takes time to turn and doesn’t happen immediately. I suppose the same can be said about take back my will but maybe next time I will notice it even sooner and be able to act accordingly. Ahh. This is what life is about making mistakes, learning from them, and moving on. A wise sage once said to me “No one does this thing perfectly Aaron.”
I can always think about where I came from and the many challenges and obstacles in life that we have overcome. I say we because I haven’t done this alone. I am not talking about just the past six years either but rather my WHOLE life of which every past moment was preparation for right now. Not ten minutes, ten seconds, or ten days from now but right now. This second is all I have and in this second all the rest have been or will be but they are determined by what I do now. Just for this second I will be where my feet are…