You know I just can’t tell you. I really don’t know why it happens but man it always seems to come when I am in the shower. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the shower maybe it is just a state of grace that I am blessed to have…Anyway I am sure you are interested so here goes…
I have written time and time again about Sunday’s. Oh Sunday. Anyway the Sunday feeling just comes no matter what. Work the next day, life the next day, day the next day. It just doesn’t matter the Sunday feeling always comes it just so happens that sometimes it comes on Monday but it is that dammed Sunday feeling. Sort of feels like someone is pulling my roots out of the ground. Like there is some big problem only I have no clue what it is. It can’t be solved or sorted out it just is…
Maybe the Sunday feeling is just a part of life sort of like payment for living. In my experience I have found that all things have a price and payment for me never comes in the form of money. I am always paying with my feelings and my soul. I have put so much of who I am into all of the things that I have done in life. I try hard really hard. I bust my ass. But here is the hit so do others :). We all try hard and we all reap the rewards of our attempts even if we don’t see it right away. Keep trying never give up. Life is about one thing and one thing only: trying.
So back to the shower…After having my Sunday feeling an hour or so before I decided to take a shower because I was working in the yard and had gotten dirty. While I was standing there cleaning up I got this feeling of joy and sadness. The thought that came through my head was “There is so much life in life.” I have done so much this weekend and over the past six plus years. Why this is so important to me is the fact that it was six plus years ago that I thought life was a waste. I am really lucky to have lived two lives in one and I am grateful for all of the experiences in my life. I have seen so much stuff some good some bad but I keep on keeping on with the rest of the people that have seen much of the same.
Maybe the Sunday feeling isn’t so bad at all. Maybe it is just something inside me telling me to take a look at where I’m at. Maybe it is just a gentle reminder that I am human and I have the capacity to feel today. Maybe it is just constipation…:) no it is definitely more than that at least for today anyway…
I guess I’ll just keep trying. Thanks for not giving up on me.