Yea what a beauty…probably one of the best songs from a band called Morphine.
I opened my eyes this morning and my head was clogged. I have been going to bed late the past few days and it has been taking its toll. Sometimes I open my eyes and it feels like everything is wrong. It feels like nothing good with come from the day ahead. It all starts in my stomach and then just moves all about my body. I suppose it is nothing more than anxiety a warning sign that I am not on coarse. Maybe it is just a normal feeling, but it sure doesn’t feel good…
I remember not to long ago before I had completed my fourth step I was feeling the same way. The feeling pushed me forward in my step work and further down the path of recovery.
Sometimes I just feel bad and I don’t think there is anything that can really be done about it. Sometimes, for me, it is just about being in the moment no matter how painful it may be. If I can’t deal with me how in the hell can I deal with you?
I don’t pretend that any of this crap means anything to anyone else. This is just a way for me to express how I am feeling and hopefully continue to walk down my path. If by reading this others can relate, identify, differ, or whatever then that is great. From the beginning I realized that I am not that important. Sure some people read this and that is great but this is just a tool for me to communicate my feelings to the world around me. It enables me to let go of what is going on inside of me.
As a consequence this journal has become a map of my life over the past few years. Sure I could do a similar thing in private but it would be the same. There is a freeing element to exposing the way that I feel about a given situation. Certainly I don’t write about everything that is going on in my life.
OK enough of that…