To get straight to the point: I was walking along the bridle path up Mt. Lafayette and looked to my right saw nothing and man did it seem big. To be a bit more serious I saw the vast expanse of open space and was just mystified. There is something to be said about being a few thousand feet up and looking over a ledge and seeing nothing but the tops of trees and other mountains all around. Juxtaposition is not the right word but it is the first one that comes to mind. I think someone else said that(tm). Fuck em it’s mine now.
Anyway a certain amount of elation comes over me while hiking. This time it was the way up: I was just walking along and realized how grateful I was to be able to be where I am, or, was. Tense is so wierd. It makes it really hard to write about then when it is now, but I digress. Happy.
Wow. This is the first post in July. I suppose I have been slacking. Actually a lot has been going on in my life, but I haven’t wanted to comment on it because it would have been more of the same bullshit. Living in the problem and not the solution. Who knows?
Things are not that bad. I just have this ability, this preordained perspective that twists reality out of focus and causes me to suffer. I realize the reality twister and the beliefs constructed or reinforced by it are not true, but I keep beliving. I suppose it will take time to undo the damage, but there is hope.
I had a great conversation with some good friends and the theme was about not giving up. I mean in the end, as lucid human beings, what other choice do we have? We have to keep on keeping on and doing what we can to be part of…I’ve spent a great deal of my life trying to be part of, being rejected, and then not being part of. The moral there is I wasn’t part of for much longer than I was being, or thought that I was rejected. Point being the only person that was rejecting me was me.