Jolie Holland a legend :)….I’m listening to her right now she rocks and so I thought I would celebrate that fact by giving her the honor of title. If it isn’t obvious to anyone that reads this the titles of these entries are important to me.
Looking back it seems like most of the writing has been keeping my work blog updated and making sure I log all of my yoga classes and take time to write a bit about the class. While that is good I really think I need to also make sure I take a few nights to enter a few posts here too. Every little bit helps, but hell if I have nothing to say…
I’ve been growing and it feel good. I have been getting so much from being consistent with recovery, yoga, work, life and the lot. The number of little epiphany’s that I have had lying there sweating my ass off wishing the torture would end are just to many to mention. One class I thought about how lucky I was to be exactly where I was, being taught by such great teachers. Somehow my thinking shifted towards my mother and I felt the feelings associated with that.
My mother. Wow. In those few seconds I just thought about my connection to her and while that connection hasn’t been strong over the past years we are made of a bond that can’t be broken nor recreated by any other. I just have to keep asking myself if I am really doing my best. If I am doing my best then I have nothing to be ashamed or guilty about.
Just this morning I was talking to a teacher about how all of the things I do to prepare for the morning or the week are pieces of the things my mother tried to impress upon me as a child.
“Put your clothes out for school in the morning…”
“Make your lunch the night before”
I don’t want her to be right but she is.
I don’t know where all of this is going but I really don’t need to. I just want to be of service. I don’t want to have some self-serving purpose aside from realizing my full potential. And even that won’t be self-serving since it would benefit others…
Today was just beautiful. I drove and drove and drove…Down 90 to exit 8 and when I realized that was where I was going my stomach sank. Was it a sign? It is really funny how relationships seems to weave in and out becoming such a significant part of us even after many years.
Sometimes I think I’ve gone against nature and now nature is rebelling against me, but if nature is all things then I am an inseparable part of it. I think it would be better if I stopped thinking something was wrong with me and better if I just accepted the fact that we are all individuals. That being so some of us are destined to certain paths. I need to move forward in doing the work that will help me identify my path. I don’t have a guru or any other such spirit figure to sort this out for me. I have all of my friends and family and the rest of this crazy work to help me this train where it needs to go.
New ideas…
So if you are in the middle of nowhere does that mean you are half-way from somewhere?