This title sounds pretty funny.
I had a really good weekend. A lot of emotions and whatnot but that is how it goes with NA conventions. The fact that it was a campout was really cool. This was my first convention campout! It was also the first time I have put up a tent or in my tents case erected a tent.
I bought a ten person tent off this guy for 60 bucks a year or so ago. He was a good friend of Heather’s. Hah. I remember when we were leaving his going away party he shook my hand and said “Take care of her yadda yadda.” I looked at him and was like cordial but just wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. What are you her father? Her brother? Or just some other guy that had a vested interest in her? I probably should have told him to fuck himself, sigh, but I didn’t. I blame that shit on my mother had I had a male figure in my life I would be much more inclined to swear at people and punch them in the face.
To digress a bit more…
I remember that night well. Heather and I had been fighting and I didn’t want to be at that stupid party. Luckily I was there with my friend Greg and that made it better. He and I talked and Heather treated me like some sort of prize you put on the mantle. Hey women out there you think you are the only fucking people that get objectified? Fuck you. Anyway it didn’t feel good and her actions ultimately lead to her own loss. I certainly hope I never treat anyone like the way I was treated that night. To Heather’s credit she did apologize and let me know that was not her intention, but shit do we ever INTEND to hurt others? Isn’t that what separates normal people from sociopaths? OK OK I will be compassionate. I accepted the bloody apology and we moved on…
In the freaking process I walked away with this Eddie Bauer 10 person tent. For the “I am moving out of the country sale price of 60 dollars!”
It took my friend Jay and I like an hour or so to set the dammed thing up. It actually has separate rooms! It is really cool but totally not practical. I will probably go out and get a much smaller tent for myself at some point. We helped our friends setup their tent and it took like 10 minutes but it was much smaller.
Argh. I am fucking angry now. I was so dammed mad at Heather that night and in Florida and on the flight back. Argh. It wasn’t all her fault. I am not perfect, but we were just in different places on the same map.
I haven’t even gone on a date since Heather and I broke up. But that doesn’t mean anything since I hadn’t really dated before her. I don’t date I just start going out with someone and then boom insta-relationship. Sometimes I think I am so shallow for wanting or needing to be so utterly attracted to the woman that I am going out with. I have never said that out-loud, well, to certain friends. Attraction for me goes so much deeper than just physical appearance but appearance is the start. Emotional intelligence and all of those components play an integral role in how “hot” a woman is to me.
Fuck it. I am not afraid anymore. I am not the cats meow or anything but I am certainly not going to underplay what I can offer in a relationship. Shit man if the woman that I was with wasn’t digging me anymore (for whatever the reason) I would want her to tell me the effing truth. You know the reason never matters anyways because if I was in love with someone and she said “Your nose is to big” I wouldn’t understand anyway.
Bottle up your reasons and sell them to channel five, just tell me your truth…
I remember how much I cried when Heather and I broke up. I remembered how much that sucked. I also remember how it felt to tell someone that I cared and loved my truth…
I have no idea where all of that shit came from, but I am glad that I didn’t go to yoga this morning and wrote that shit down.
All this about a tent 🙂