“Secret World” Peter Gabriel
I stood in this unsheltered place
‘Til I could see the face behind the face
All that had gone before had left no trace
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world, we were colliding
All the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?
So I watch you wash your hair
Underwater, unaware
And the plane flies through the air
Did you think you didn’t have to choose it
That I alone could win or lose it
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?
In this house of make believe
Divided in two, like Adam and Eve
You put out and I recieve
[Chorus:]
Down by the railway siding
In our secret world, we were colliding
In all the places we were hiding love
What was it we were thinking of?
Oh the wheel is turning spinning round and round
And the house is crubling but the stairways stand
With no guilt and no shame, no sorrow or blame
Whatever it is, we are all the same
Making it up in our secret world [x3]
Shaking it up
Breaking it up
Making it up in our secret world
Seeing things that were not there
On a wing on a prayer
In this state of disrepair
——-
I woke up one morning while I was still in college and sat down at my desk to do an assignment. “US” had just come out and I’m pretty sure I had the cassette tape, but I can’t be sure now. I’d been listening to this album over and over again and it had, for me, become the soundtrack for a relationship at the time. I had to write a poem for a class taught by this guy that was really cool. The desk by the way was a gift from my mother as a child. I’d had the think almost my whole life. It was pretty cool. There was a little knob on it at the top in the center and you pulled it down to open the desk part. Needless to say it was pretty small but I still liked it a lot since it was compact.
I sat there with some coffee and at that point had a couple of smokes. The poem went something like
“I just lit my third cigarette of the day
I was wondering how things were between us”
I don’t remember the rest but it was a good poem. I was really proud of it. I really loved her and she is what the poem was about, or maybe more specifically it was about my feelings towards her. My teacher liked it a lot too. Seems like the older I get the greater the distance between my romantic relationships and also a decrease in longevity. I got nothing…
Buddies have been asking “What’s going on with the ladies?”
“Nothing” I retort.
I was so into yoga and climbing that I made a conscious decision to just say whatever to women. Now that I’m crippled I’m thinking “Shit it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to have someone in my life that would be willing to be there for me.” Ahh fuck it. There are plenty of people there for me and all of my friends have been helping me just fine. So it isn’t about that…Since this accident happened it has made me see things from a different perspective. I really don’t want to be alone anymore, but my acknowledging that doesn’t change the fact that I’m alone. I simply don’t have the skills to get into a romantic relationship. So much of my personality is a turn-off for most women. It isn’t that I’m an asshole but women don’t want a man that is self-sufficient. Well maybe that isn’t true…Maybe it’s just that I haven’t found the right one…In my heart I believe the right one is out there and I’ve been kept vital and young just for her. OK that was corny ass bullshit but whatever I’m a corny ass.
I’m romantic enough and still a guy. I like being a guy. I like women to be women.
So check this shit out. I’m hobbling around on my crutches and decide to go into this tea shop before a PT appointment. I go to sit down and this woman tells me she likes my tattoo. I think “ugh. I just want to sit here and drink my tea”, but then realize I probably would have spent the next 20 minutes trying to find something to say to her anyway. We start shooting the shit and are really compatible aside from our ages she told me she was 20! Holy shit…I’m like well that is only 18 years difference. Fuck. What was really weird is she didn’t sound like a 20 year old nor did she look like one. It wasn’t that she looked old or anything but the shit she was saying was really mature. Fuck I’m 38 and I was agreeing with her and what she was saying.
Anyway I’m like fuck it she is a good person and would definitely make a good friend at the least. So we exchange numbers and all that…I texted her a few times and heard back from her once and that was that. Man I don’t have good luck with women and text messages. Maybe I should just call? Nah not in this case she’s fucking 20! Desperation is like a bleeding wound it needs to be tended to quickly. If she was 20 that means she was born sometime in the late 80’s and late enough to not know what the fuck colored tube socks are. Never mind Jethro Tull, Pink Floyd, Kiss, Happy Days, Mork & Mindy, Tater-Tots?, Roller Skating, Tab, and Mellow Yello.
Sigh.
So I’ll end this post by thanking my mom for making me the man I am today! Thanks mom!