I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and I woke up in a sluggish mood. I got into work and there were a lot of things going on. My bosses boss has a way of getting to me as does anyone that doesn’t talk directly to people but only to them through the use of questions. Questions that he inevitably knows the answers to but wants to make you feel like a total piece of shit. Hell it has gotten so bad that he hold people responsible even for things that they don’t even know they are suppose to be responsible for. Whatever nothing changes if nothing changes.
So that started the morning and I was ready to freak out. I just wanted so badly to respond and ream him out like I normally do, but I didn’t I responded with two letters and a punctuation mark: OK. It wasn’t easy to do it and I wanted to write nasty emails to my boss and all of that but I didn’t.
The good news is that it passed. I really felt like I was going to do or say something stupid but I didn’t. The day carried on and I got a lot done and helped a few people in the process. My boss has been out this week but I was cool with that and didn’t really experience too much grief save for the bit of drama this morning.
I suppose that has kind of gotten me wondering: I keep thinking my boss will come back and tell me about all of the things I don’t know. He knows everything. You mention something to him and he will instantly talk about it or something related to it. I thought it was really funny when he said to me “It feels like you know more about the extreme gear.” I wanted to say back well you know way more about just about everything else it was the one thing that actually made me feel useful. I know my use goes way beyond what I know, but sometimes I don’t feel all that faithful or confident.
I need to take as much as I can from the situation and learn the things that he has learned and be hopeful that what he has learned can help us in the future. It is all about ego. What good is it if people don’t learn? I am glad I can recognize all of this. I am grateful that even though it affects me I can walk through it and continue to do my job.
To my credit someone said something really kind to me today. She said “You are a great resource.” That made me feel good. I want to be there for everyone not just the people I want to be there for but everyone. I see no reason why I cannot be there for everyone since everyone has always been there for me.
My intention for the last for days has been love. Not romantic love but just love. Love of the self and love of others…Love love love