I ended up in some room with my Kate and this guy named Rick. He was a bit intimidating as I knew his type, a real get high kind of guy. I immediately thought he and Kate has something going on on the side, you know, around the drugs he was holding.
I am really not sure where we all were, but I know that we were in a hotel of sorts. It felt like we were in Colorado ( even though I have never been there that was the feeling I got in the dream).
I did a line or two, there was a bunch of opened vials on the table and the only thing I could think of was “Is that all there is left?” It was like I didn’t even want to start if there wasn’t going to be enough to carry me and the rest of us a few days. I picked up the straw and took the plunge (how is that for a mixed metaphor).
They sent me downstairs to the store to pick something up. I don’t remember what I was looking for but I was in some sort of gift shop looking for god-knows-what. I had the feeling this guy Rick knew my old sponsor Alan and that he was in on all of this too.
I kept thinking man they are not going to leave me anything and then I will be without. You see it is never about anyone else in active addiction it is always about the drug. If I got a lot thing are good and I can pay attention to you. If I don’t things are bad and you better get the fuck out of my way, or help me get some.
Anyway I went back upstairs and started banging on the door. Finally Kate came to the door. I was so pissed I knew they were not going to give me anymore and yet I had thrown away everything I had worked toward yet again.
They were both sitting there on the couch looking at me and saying “It is all gone.” I asked how the fuck they could have used all of the drugs.
I freaked out.
Kate got up and went into the other room, pulled out this wierd pen, and started smoking something. She looked really high and I lost my shit. I begged for something, said I was sorry and that I just needed one hit. Rick pat me on the back and said it would be OK he would give me one, but I woke up, and realized it was all a dream.