I scanned in a few notebooks that I had from early on in recovery. There is some pretty wacked, silly, stupid, and neurotic stuff in there. It was nice to go through them as I scanned them an laugh at myself.
I wasn’t so worried about exposing my thoughts as I was about exposing other people. Luckily I am so totally self-centered just about everything is about me an how I felt during the situation.
The black notebook has some pretty touching stuff about my feelings toward my ex-girlfriend. Silly as they may be I really loved her and the writing (if one can call it that) expresses the juvenial nature of my love, but hey, it was love nonetheless. I think I was like 30 days clean, need I say more?
The coolest point about all of this is that it is in my own handwriting, unlink this, which is
t y p e d .
Maybe someday when I am famous it will be worth something so this is all a lame attempt to make my friends rich by giving them something they can download now and make money off of later. HAH.
The real deal is I bought a scanner/printer/copier device and wanted to make use of it…Over time I have found that as I get to know myself it becomes easier to release the aspects of my character that I thought had to be protected. It is a process and I am grateful for it…
I had a wonderful weekend. I love and am loved.