Two in one…
I came to and my friend John was handing me a drink from over a bar. It was a half filled glass with a clear liquid. He seemed to know what I needed to get me through my time on the other side of the bar.
It was some sort of strip joint or something. The Hustler Club comes to mind but the odd thing is that I recalled an establishing shot in my mind which was a house. I ended up in the basement where women were coming to audition for a private party.
In the meantime someone had taken my drink and drank it down. I had taken a sip so I was pissed that someone stole my shit. The funny thing was it didn’t taste like anything and all I was concerned with was getting fucked up in one way or another.
I ended up outside looking at the house and wondering how the hell it was what it was. There was a huge dog outside and I went over to it. Some people came by and that was that. I know there was some sort of conflict but I can’t remember what it was…
The thing I remember so vividly is my friend John’s smile as he handed me a bar glass half full of something or other. I’ll call him today and let him know.
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I did my best to get caught up yesterday. I am working hard to try and close off ‘open loops’ (read: getting things done ). I have so much shit going on in my life and I end up feeling like I am not getting one bit of it done. I realize things are not always going to feel finished but lately I have felt uncomfortable about all of the things I have going on in my life. It is just too much.
I’m sure once I have a system in place things will be better but I have to learn some new skill at how to properly manage my time and energy.
So this was the first Monday that I haven’t gone to the rock gym in several months. I needed to take the day off so that I could get to a meeting and also relax from the weekend of hiking. It is all about balance and if I am making my life unmanageable with other activities I probably need to take a look at that and how it affects my recovery.
Plain and simple I need to get to meetings and that is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary and as long as I remember that things will be OK. Yoga, climbing, hiking, and work all of that stuff needs to come after meetings and recovery. Doesn’t that sound crazy? But the funny thing is that is how it works for me, an addict in recovery.
Well I’m off to yet another day I wouldn’t have had if it weren’t for the program and fellowship.