Where’s the path?
What’s the direction?
I guess it all boils down to wherever I’m going. And wherever I’m going there I am…
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for not taking advantage of good days, no clouds in the sky and good feelings. Mostly I think about needing to be doing something, being productive, producing-whatever. Whatever we are doing is what we are suppose to be doing at the time. Sure I’ll state the obvious. Why not? It is during these times I sit down put on some music that moves me and I just start type whatever comes into my mind. I close my eyes, look down at my heart and let what will be, be.
I don’t know if I’m suppose to be doing something else, god knows I could be but this is what I’m choosing for today. It is always a choice even when we decide not to choose.
…Either way…
Man it’s been so long and I’ve been making a choice to be alone. It is becoming who I am and I don’t know if I want anything else. So far it has been the ultimate expression of myself. Maybe that is just bullshit. Maybe I’m just weak for not trying harder not being able to see what I need to see to move further into the unknown? Maybe I’m still just a kid trying to grow up? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe?
I think about all of the women in my life: each one so very special in their own way and everyone very special to me. I definitely identified the awesomeness in each of them and they in me and that is pretty cool.
Yea I’m just a sucker. I couldn’t give up even if I wanted to. I still think she is out there, somewhere, but I have to keep working on myself if I’m ever to find her.
That’s pretty lame, but true. Whatever…I’m lame.
Strength, Courage, Patience, Faith, and Determination