There is always hope…I really can’t say it enough. No matter how things seems in life, no matter what is going on no matter what there is always hope. I really don’t know when it started but I stopped believing in hope. It wasn’t a conscious choice it was just something that started happening around the same time I stopped having faith. Not in God or anything like that but just in general.
From there I started forming belief systems around hopeless faithless things making myself the core of something that could never possibly be. My view of the world was pretty simple: This was a place where everyone else was getting what they wanted and I was the only person struggling-the victim. I think the worst part was or is the belief that I didn’t deserve a better life or wasn’t worthy of one. (I am not trying to say I understand this because I don’t. I don’t know where or how it started but I am certain it has been with me for awhile. I know it has motived me and held me back all at the same time.)
Then something happens in life a spark, a prodding, something and you get a glimpse of what could be and what EVERYONE is capable of having. Just for a moment I could see what was inside and it made me feel so real, so scared, and so alive.
In fear of sounding grandiose I will keep it on me and just say that I really never knew I was capable of believing or recognizing there was hope for me. I couldn’t see it not because it wasn’t there but because I just wasn’t ready.
Life is so amazing. I am grateful to be alive. It really is a fucking privilege. I just want to be honest, true, and authentic as ever-changing as that is…