The reality is that I have never had anything. All of this stuff going on in my life has got me thinking I have so much to loose. All of these luxuries: movies, climbing, computers, furniture, whatever. How in the hell could I possibly loose anything? I never had anything to begin with!
Four years ago I was sitting at a half-way house wondering how the fuck I had gotten there. Well I dunno maybe that isn’t true because like I *know* how I had gotten there. The point is is I had *nothing* zero, zilch, nada, everything cashed in for a bag of dope.
Now here I am four plus years later staring at my fancy flat screen monitor. Using my nice new 2.4Ghz dual-core system in my nice cozy apartment in Cambridge noless! What the fuck do I have to loose? Did I get all of this shit because I am some piece of shit good for nothing person? No! I got all of it because I worked for it. I was patient, I worked hard, I felt my feelings and I progressed.
I am still sick, but I am in recovery. I constantly take long hard looks at myself and how I can improve on the physical, mental, and spiritual levels. There are many things I need to second guess but that is not one of them.
Anyway all that being said I need to dig deep into the reality that my job is not working for me anymore. I turned the pages of my journal on the flight back and reviewed all of the entries which said “this happened at work” and “that happened at work”.
More will be revealed, but nothing will be lost. I have faith that I will have everything I need to succeed.