Now I am sure that there must be another entry with this subject, but maybe not. I’m pissed man. I’m fresh out of patience and I’m starting to get angry. You know what? Fuck it. I can’t seem to get my head above water on the whole women thing and it is pissing me off. I know I have to just keep trying I have to not give up but it is so fucking hard. Sometimes I can take it in passing but other times the stuff that comes out from under the scab is a steady flow of rejection.
It isn’t the rejection that is the problem but my response to it. So recently I put myself out there and got beat the fuck down. Where the hell is my outlet?
Insert some stupid effing statement about something or other.
I’m tired of being hopeful. I need a sign. I need something to let me know there is a reason to hang in there. Yea we all need a sign. I won’t hold my breath. I am not even making any sense. I give up. I’m sure there is someone out there for me but she’s probably taken. Wow I am totally pure disease right now. Almost like there is nothing good in me.
I am so full of shit. Not with respect to my last statement but just the fact that I am full of shit. I’m an evil person with terrible motives and that is the reason I’m not in a relationship. It certainly can’t be because I am a GOOD person.
OK. OK. It is what it is and I’m pissed off. I feel sad and rejected by the effing world when things don’t go my way. It freaking hurts. All of the rejection, all of the attempts at friendship only to still be alone. I was in bed the other day thinking about just how much of my life I have spent alone. I have no one to share all of the cool stuff that happens in my life. When I think about my life I think about me there is no other person there with me in the memories-just me. Don’t get me wrong there have been plenty of memorable loving and caring people along the way but in the end there’s only been me. What a shitty realization.
I read something that said “If you are not happy out of a relationship you will probably not be happy in one.” I really don’t know what the hell I want. I’m confused at best but there is always h.o.p.e (hearing other peoples experience).
I hate this post. I hate the way I feel. I hate women. I hate how much power and control they have. I hate that they don’t even realize they have it because if they did they wouldn’t be so fucking mean. Either that or they are just pure evil…
I am not going to filter this or try to round out the edges. I’m hurt and that is just the way it is…