It is such a struggle to keep things in the day. I have been doing my best to make it to yoga “when I can” and lately that has been on a daily basis. I keep telling myself to remember that I do other things too like climbing and hiking, but part of me wants to let go of those other things and just go to yoga.
Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can’t it be a mixture?
Not a big deal because Monday is reserved for climbing. Last week I went to yoga and went climbing but I think that is too much. I really shouldn’t be doing more than one intense physical activity per day. It is too overwhelming otherwise and there just isn’t enough time.
So that is one piece of the puzzle. The other piece are the feelings of failure I have been having lately. This may sound crazy and even silly but there is a part of me that really believes in this yoga and I really don’t want to quit on myself again. In such a short period of time I have seen dramatic results on my physical, mental, AND spiritual makeup.
For some people getting their body to do the posture is the tough part. For me the hard part is what happens to my mind after I do it on a consistent basis. I start to think bad things will happen if I don’t do it or I get rigid and further isolate myself with my ego. These things are not yoga they are something else something that is as damaging as not going to yoga.
The sad things is I don’t know how to get rid of them and tend to think that I don’t have the power to rid myself of them on my own. I guess it is “my process” and I just have to continue to go through it.
I have been reading about yoga, Bikram’s yoga specifically. I think it is cool for someone to have a guru. I suppose we have guru’s too but these days we call them mentors…
I was in class yesterday and the teacher was going through the dialogue and she said “…so you can do all of the other stuff you like to do besides yoga…” I took that as a cue to remind me that there are other things I like to do and I have to keep doing them if I am to remain healthy and in the yoga mind.
One other story that comes to mind is something I read about Bikram himself in that his guru would encourage him to participate in weight lifting events to promote the life giving strength that Hatha yoga provides.
I just don’t want to give up on myself.