Seems like words to live by…”I don’t want to”. Some days it just seems like everything is a chore and proceeded by those words. From one thing to the next it’s no I don’t want to this and no I don’t want to that. Sigh. Over time I have learned it generally my default reaction to things. Some days are better than others and in the end I generally end up doing the thing I didn’t want to do in the first place so instead of making a big deal out of it I just do it or don’t for that matter.
I don’t really know what works for others. I end up doing what I need to do for myself because it is generally worse for me if I don’t. I guess it’s pretty cool that inherent in this process, my process, is the fact that I have to mess up in order to see that it isn’t helpful when I do.
A teacher said: “Let go of anything that isn’t serving you.”
Wise words…My back was aching and I was convinced I pulled something, but I just listened and let it go. How useful is that in everyday life? Very useful but inbred in it’s simplicity is complication.
What isn’t serving me? What is getting in the way? What is stopping me from being who I truly am? Maybe I was suppose to be a Lynx, or a jackal, or a minotaur? Nah, too complicated…Maybe the point is that there isn’t anything in my way from being who I already am-me. Nothing more and nothing less just Aaron whatever that is suppose to be for today at least. A moving painting never to be complete. A song sung over and over again by yours truly. What do I wish to paint in the next few years? What song is waiting to be sung?
Ha. Pretty lame and cool all the same…
“Be mindful of the prayers you send
Pray hard but to pray with care
For the tears you are crying now
Are just your answered prayers…”
– Oh My Lord (Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds)
One day your asking for something in your life and then another day your asking for its removal. Things just come and go…there is meaning but the less I am attached to it the better. What the hell do I know about outcomes anyway? I am just another human being trying to navigate the sea of his emotions.
This holiday season has been tough. I have been feeling things that haven’t come up in the years past. I showed up for my family and my friends and by doing so I showed up for me even though I didn’t want to…
Things just take a lot of time. It is painful waiting for things to unfold, but to give up, to settle, to regress, won’t get me to the place I’m going. I got the tools and I met some fools just like me on the path-I’m not alone…
Couple more days left in this year. I’m going to finish up strong.