So anyway I fucking quit the 90 in 90. I’m out. I am tired of beating myself up and am not going to do it anymore. If I need to do something other than go to a meeting after work then I will and I am not going to feel bad about it. I am sort of sad that I didn’t finish it but hell I am not perfect. I still plan on going to a meeting a night but what I am not going to do is beat myself up or run myself ragged to do it. Somehow I don’t think that is the point of recovery, but it definitely had its point in my getting reconnected and not skipping meetings that I need to go to.
I am still in and don’t want to feel that disconnection ever again so to that end I will make sure I keep going to meetings :).
God what a relief to have this off of my shoulders. The funny thing is that I would have completed the 90/90 the day before my birthday! Hah! Anyway it’s all good…Last night I went to a PT appointment and then to the bike shop. I had to get my rear tire trued and bought a few other things too. Then I came home only to find the gearing on my bike was out of whack so I rode back to the shop.
When I got there Brian was standing outside and he was like “What happened?” I told him about the gears. He listened, spun the wheel, tightened the inward and outward adjustment and sent me on my way. He said “Don’t be afraid to make these adjustments yourself. You can’t do any damage.”
It is really funny because when I was riding over there I realized how people must feel when they ask me about computers. Now I know the adjustment and can do it myself next time.
On my way back from yoga this morning I realized that all I really have is today. Right now. There is no point in thinking about tomorrow because, well, it isn’t here yet, and there are no guarantees where, who, or what I will be tomorrow. Thinking about tomorrow today only sets me up to be out of the moment and place expectations.