Just another day, everything was going so well and then the evil emptiness happened. Actually my self-obsessed, ego-driven way of being took hold and gave birth to the evil emptiness.
Why on earth do I argue points that I know are wrong? Obviously I don’t know them to be wrong when I start, but my way of reasoning with people (and myself) just seems wrong. The point is that it never works I always feel less than anyone willing to push a little further than most.
I know most of the struggle is around ego and self-centeredness both of which push out spiritual principles like honesty, open-mindedness, willingness and humility.
It isn’t about other people anymore. It is about me. I am tired of causing myself all of this pain for nothing. Maybe at some point in my life these behaviours worked but they don’t anymore and they are causing me pain.
I cannot rid myself of this disease. I can only work to arrest it on a daily basis. Recovery has given me a life beyond my wildest dreams. It is *not* an exaggeration to say “I owe my life to this program”. It continues to save me on a daily basis and for that I am grateful for the program and the fellowship.