What do we do with the information we are provided? What do we do when our friends encourage and guide us? What do we do with the love and caring we receive from others?
What do I do with all of this stuff?
What do I do with my gut feelings? How do I process it all? How do I interpret what is actually going on?
Do I actually listen? Or do I retreat into the place of familiar pain? Do I get honest and accept my limitations? Do I move into a place where I realize I need to go after what I am looking for?
Questions of evidence…
It isn’t suppose to make any sense so don’t read into it.
Fuck my will. That shit has done nothing for me ever. My will always gets me into trouble. My will keeps me sick and suffering. I want to be a conduit for anything but my will.
I am naive.
I am sensitive.
I am a lot of things some good some bad and some in between. I truly love who I am becoming and sometimes it is really uncomfortable on the path. When the light goes out and there is nothing but darkness I struggle to have faith. Am I OK? What do I do? Will someone help me?
The funny part is that the flaw is in thinking there is more than one path. Yup it’s all the same…
That doesn’t make any sense but here’s a penny for your meaning…
I want nothing more than to remain open. My heart. My poor heart is so open but it isn’t waiting for anything. It is waiting for the right thing and that thing isn’t anything in the phenomenal world.
The void that I feel can’t be filled with things. It is a spiritual void that can only be filled by my Higher Power and ideas of a spiritual nature.
I feel so bad sometimes about how insensitive I was towards my mother. How I hurt her ever so unconditionally. I could see her pain and yet in my own childish selfishness I contintued to take from a woman that had given me so much. I still take from her on a daily basis by not giving to her that which she most desires-a relationship with her son.
Years later I find myself confused about how to start. How to approach an awkward situation and develop a relationship with someone I feel I am suppose to know. It’s OK just try. There are no rules and there is no way.
Well I’m grateful for the awareness.
To be aware is to be alive.
I love my friends. They keep me sane and never give up on me. As I have said before if they are not willing to give up on me why should I give up on myself?