I tweaked my back the other day in class. I’ll be OK but the lower spine is really really sore. Mainly the muscles around the lower spine. Anyway instead of going to class this morning I decided to sleep in and get some more rest. This dream happened during that time…
….
I was in this apartment with my recovery friend and I had crack on me. I was doing everything in my power to smoke it and when I finally did I was lighting the bottom of an ashtray and doing my best to inhale the smoke from it. I didn’t have a stem nor the inclination to try and build one. I just needed to get the shit into me as fast as possible. The most vivid memory was lighting the ashtray and seeing the piece of crack start to smoke up.
This image faded to my recovery and I laying on the ground and she was comforting me. I was really happy to be lying there with her but all I could think of was the fact that now I’d relapsed and all of my clean time was gone. I’d once again let everything go, but in that knowledge I realized it wasn’t the end of the world. Yes I’d have to tell my sponsor and all of my sponsee’s but realized that I could make the choice to not use anymore and I didn’t have to let this mistake ruin my whole life again. Sure people would be sad and see me in a different light but whatever.
I came to on a bed in another apartment and there was this person there trying to help me. He was assigned to my case and I realized quickly that it was his job to keep me alive. I remembered my past (meaning smoking the crack and my friend) I longed to just keep smoking crack. I didn’t want anything to do with reality anymore. There was some sort of commotion in the other room and I went through a door in the bedroom and it brought me into a bathroom, but by way of the shower (weird). At this point I escaped the apartment through the back door when I noticed a guy that was after me. He turned into 100 guys and they all started chasing me, but they were going in different directions like they could see me or something and all of them had guns on them…
I just started running and then I woke up…
…
It’s probably worth saying that in my active addiction I smoke crack twice…fuck crack…not my cup of tea, but an addict saying a drug isn’t their cup of tea is like a monkey saying there all set with bananas…Crack’ll become heroin in about two seconds and therein lies the problem and why we say a drug is a drug is a drug…