You know it is effing hard. It is hard when there are so many feelings involved. My ex called me last night and it was fifteen or twenty minutes before we were in an argument. No one is to blame it is just what happens between us. Almost seven years of being apart and she still has the ability to ignite that area in me and it just sucks.
We were in the process of talking about closure on the past when she just hung up on me. Once again another woman in my life taking advantage of me when I am in a place outside my comfort zone. I told her that I was in California traveling for work so maybe she could have thought about how it might affect someone if they just hung up the phone. Just left to sit with my feelings not even sure what the hell I did wrong, but that is par for the fucking course with Kate. She is always right and everyone else is always wrong.
I am so effing angry.
I am just glad that I got the information I needed a reminder that it could never work with her. It never did and it never will. What really sucks is that I am so effed up that she is my barometer for other relationships. Ugg. Well it looks like I will have to keep working on the steps and use the program to help me through this too.
You know…I really wonder if there is a woman out there that would actually be a champion for my fucking well-being and not a harbinger of mother fucking sorrow. When it comes to women all I know is pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Take my heart I don’t effing want it anymore it seems that is the only thing women are after. Take my heart it is all black and filled with years of heartbreak, sadness, and grief.
Mom I blame your ass too. Argh.
What is really effed up is that I love all of the women in my life just the same. So I suppose I am just as confused as they are…