Well it has been almost 7 days since I took the final 2mg pain pill. I’m so glad I was able to resist taking any more of the pain pills. I tossed and turned, sweat, felt like shit. Yea the gig hasn’t changed same shit different substance. It’s all the same and I’m glad I’m not part of it anymore. You know this whole situation has made me think that maybe it is possible for people to change? I’m was no different than any other junkie out there. Getting and using and finding ways and means to get more. But I simply don’t want that for myself today. I do realize that this is primarily because of the program and fellowship and working the steps and I must continue to work the program, but it really feels like something has changed in me on a fundamental level. I no longer what that life for myself and am willing to do whatever it takes to stay clean.
Who knows?
Who cares?
Not in the sense that I want any of you to know or care but in the sense of what the fuck ever…It all doesn’t really matter, fundamental change that is…It was just an observation that I made when I was going through that hellish experience.
It is amazing the freedom I feel after only 6 or so days off of the pain medication. It feels like I am me again and I was blocked from myself for the last few weeks. Man those pain meds work great. You don’t even know you have no idea what is going on…Fun….
So this is about being clean…man its great…I’m so glad yet again I chose recovery. I didn’t do it alone I had a whole team of people in my corner and I’m so grateful for that!