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Can anyone tell me what feelings are and where they come from? Scientifically I suppose I can understand the concept but in reality the feel so much worse than simply…

I have been really conflicted lately. There are specific reasons for this but fundamentally it boils down to "it being my turn". I am not happy about that but I am doing what I can do to get through it. I can say that I have been connected with my support network through all of this. I haven't given up or gone into my shell. All I can say is that it isn't easy. Life isn't easy. There is so much to it and while sometimes it just flow effortlessly it is during these times, the struggles, that I undoubtedly get so much out of life.

I just noticed the cluster map and wow! Not like a ton of hits or anything but a nice distribution across the U.S. and the rest of the world too!…

I suppose I am in one of those states...I'm sad in an Aaron sort of way. I realize that certain things need to happen in order for me to progress through the stages of development. I watched this movie and it was about love, career, and success. All great elements for a movie and for life too. The problem with life is it isn't condensed into ninety minutes. That being so it seems that things don't have to work out so linearly in life (well actually everything is linear since time is linear, or is it?) I don't know. I don't pretend to know. F it. I am tired of pretending.

I just read through my last post. Wow. I apologize for the grammar. I suppose I was in a really bad mood yesterday. Anyway I have to get better at re-reading my posts. I know this is my journal but I think I owe it to myself to at least correct the mistakes that I *can* find :). While I am here: I am feeling better today. I have some new things to focus on and Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I have everything I need for Thursday and have started inviting my friends and family. I am looking forward to the Holidays...