Well the Hilton Toronto is much nicer than the Hilton New York. Still they don’t win any awards in my book and the Hyatt in Chicago has them both beat hands down.
I was able to get a good nights rest last night but woke up a few times and my arm was dead. I couldn’t move it I had to use my other arm to position it properly on the bed. MAN DO HOTEL BEDS SUCK!
I am saying all of this to reinforce my decision to buy a really nice bed! My bed at home really rocks and is sooo soft. Whatever.
So lets see the last meeting I went to was on Thursday. Hmm. I am ready to call it quits. Give up. God this disease sucks the big one. Why does it have to be like this? What to know what the kicker is? How it all started? Well I decided that I was going to go for a nice run today. OK. The problem was I went for a run when I was in Chicago and really pushed it. I have this thing going on with my right foot and it was acting up, but do I stop? No. I get this idea in my head that I have to push through the pain.
So today I get all ready and go down to the gym but there are no treadmills free (there were only two :). I said “bump this” and decided that I would run by the lake. I asked some people for directions and was off and running. Hah Hah. I felt the pain come back but not for awhile, and I went into this walk/run thing. I found a park to do some pull-ups all was well. Then I started running again and there was intese pain. I mean like I simply couldn’t run. Not only was running a problem so was walking. BANG.
BANG. BANG. Missfire. See there is not point in trying to run you can’t run you are no good you will have to have surgery and then you will get fat and all of the women will hate you because you are fat and ugly.
Now, OK. I am not new to recovery so for the most part I can see this shit for what it is, my disease. What pisses me off is that my brain goes to this exteme when something silly happens.
Here is the motherfucking reality of the situation. My foot hurt . I continued to run on it. I caused it to physically bruise (yes when I got back to the hotel I looked at it to ice it and it was bruised.)
ANYWAY, no more running for me until I see a doctor about it. Yes someone with a fucking degree or something that can lead me in the right direction with this stuff. I have been taking advice from a quack (myself) and haven’t gotten anywhere.
The hope here is I know exactly what my problem is in all situations: a) I am an addict and b) I have a fucked up foot that can’t be run on until it is fixed
What am I going to do about it?
Go to a meeting
See a doctor
Have a little bit of fucking faith that it will all work out
How is that for a prescription?
Peace out…