I have been doing what I need to do for myself. Meetings, service work, normal work, step work and all the all. Over th e past week or so things have gotten better. That sinking feeling isn’t what is waking me up anymore. Maybe a hopeful optimism is creeping in or perhaps it’s just the crack where the light gets in to quote LC.
It isn’t so bad and each passing day it gets a little less worse. Some of my pain is manufactured, stored up over the years and bottled and sold to me in little doses. And some of it is real, just the normal pain that is associated with the changing of the seasons and the need to have a reason.
A reason
A season
Or a lifetime
A friend of mine talks about these ways people, places, and things can be in our lives. You just never know. So far I have been around for a lifetime. I suppose it is sad that no one can be in my life for my lifetime besides myself. AHAHAH.
I’ll give you a flower for something new. We can find things to distract ourselves but, today, for me it is about feeling the pain and moving through it. I may have a broken leg but if walking on it allows me to be I’ll rip it off smash it up and stick it back in its socket and keep on fucking moving.
Just for today I am not quitting. I am not giving up on myself or the world around me…Just for today I’ll do whatever I have to do to stay in this process. Yes a flower for something new…